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Arjun’s – a light refreshing bio.

My name is the Sood – the Punjab de puttar – the Arjun de Sood ji.

I grow up in the Chandigarh ji. Bootiful city ji, designed by the great Le the Corbusier ji.

Haan ji, now let me tell you of the Pavit ship ji.

The shipji, owned by my uncle ji’s friend ji, good man ji, settled ji in the Dubai ji.

He, my uncle ji, own many ship – tanker ji. He said to me, Come on ji, sail on my ship ji for 500 amriki dollar ji.

I agreed ji, because afterall ji, ship belong to the Punjab de puttar ji. What more to say ji.

I join as the lowly deck cadetji, work very hardji, for the poorly 500 dollarji. Food not like they say of the Punjab ji, like shitji.

Me growing thin ji, thinking of my mata de ji, and of the allo de parathe ji.

However, leaving all aside ji, I join in the Dubaiji and next day ji we the sail out ji.

Small tankerji, taking oil for the poor people of the Mozambik ji – they call them the pirates ji.

But pirates have to live and workji, so they need our dieselji, to run their boats ji.

So we sail at night ji, the weather very bad ji, water all over the shipji, I very much the frightenedji.

But what can I do ji, the Captain say to sail ji, to avoid be caught by police ji.

Food bad, ship moving like bail gadi on road to village Seolji. Terrible ji. No sleep for 3 days ji.

Captain badmash ji, for sailing in this weather ji. God saved us ji from definite maut ji.

Now after 4 days of sailing ji, the ship one day stopped moving ji, I became very surprised ji, why Captain stopping ship in the middle of the sea ji.

I thought maybe, Captain left behind something in Dubai ji and he wants to go back. The ship started to rollji and I started to empty my stomach from the mouth ji, very horrible ji, very bad smell and my head also going round and round ji just like the merry go around in village Hoshiarpur ji. How I loved that village ji and wished now that I could be somehow taken there, but it was not to be.

For three days and three nights I emptied my stomach ji, not eating anything ji, but green bad smelling water still coming from mouth ji. Very bad ji.

But good thing ji, it was not me alone with problemji, some people – not the punjab de puttar, they were taking out green and red foul smelling something from their mouth ji.

The captain ji, became a worried man ji, and when he too went green in the face decided to inform everyone (what I now suspected) that the ship was in problem and that we required help ji.

At last after tossing and being turned for so many days and having become very thin – totally unlike the healthy punjab de puttar figure, our distress call was answered by the gora paltan de jahaz.

A helicopter ji, came and circled over the ship. Then a gori kudi came down a thin line. Said she was a marine – didn’t know what that was, but joy, she said she would take me up to the helicopter, not to worry ji, she said, I will hold you tightly ji.

What more could this puttar want in life, from hell straight to heaven – no not the helicopter ji, it was the other one.

I don’t know whether the going up to the helicopter or the holding me was more pleasurable ji.

Anyway, I finally escaped from the ship ji and was put on anot5her ship which brought me back to home ji.

All is well if the end is well. So, I returned home ji.

But after somedays I saw something in the newspaper that made my eyes go round ji.

My old ship was on the beach ji in Mumbai. With nobody on the ship, the only way the ship could have come if the ghosts (and I know there were many of them) had sailed the ship.

One question I always wanted to know ji, “Do ghosts suffer from being sea sick?”.